Sunday, August 18, 2013

PULLING THE SHADE--THEN RE-OPENING AGAIN AND EVER AGAIN

How do I stay present while conserving my selfhood?
How do I continue to interact without losing myself?
I clearly notice in others, and others clearly notice in me,
Those moments in which we pull back into our shells.

Although physically present and nominally interactive,
We retract our emotional engagement, which is usually 
Unacknowledged by the Other, who blithely or anxiously
Ignores the process/context by focusing only on content.

I immediately notice hurtfulness on both sides of the conversation.
I ignore you. You ignore that I am ignoring you. I ignore you more.
Moving back, moving away, moving out is passive aggressive action.
Antidote: stay present, maintain contact, tell truth, continue conversation.

Easier said/typed than done. From an introverted/inward-processing
Perspective, coupled with "Minnesota Nice" and sprinkled with various
Left-over anxieties and learned shame, staying inwardly present is 
Challenging enough, let alone staying outwardly present with others.
 
Yet no other option really exists but to forge onward and upward toward
Becoming, toward being, toward growing, toward developing--ever toward.
Reiterate, repeat, start over, do-over, begin again, initiate, and stay awake.
Antidote: stay present, maintain contact, tell truth, continue conversation.

Ann Beth Blake
(c) August 17, 2013

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